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A
Film for Christmas
Asking
contributors for their choice of an ideal Christmas film seemed
like a simple one, but scattered across the country and all
probably drunk and face down in a turkey dinner, it's been
left to Camus and Slarek to select their perfect seasonal
fare. These two seem to have a slightly different attitude
to this supposed time of good will....
Tonsofun's
Christmas Film
"Now
I have a machine gun... Ho ho ho"
Come
on... doesn't that make you want to go and watch it right
now? If it doesn't, then the true meaning of christmas is
lost on you and you may as well just forget the whole damn
holiday. For as Joseph said to Mary when the inn-keeper told
them there was no room at the inn... "Hey babe, I negotiate
million dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this
Eurotrash! "
It's
got Bruce all vested up and at his wise-cracking best. It's
got Alan Rickman exuding menace, greed and class in his first
big hollywood role. It's got a brilliant (though slightly
dated) script by Stephen E. de Souza. and it's got plenty
of snow, washed down with more male-bonding than you can shake
an AK-47 at.
Like
Ghostbusters, Jaws and Robocop,
it's one of those Eighties action movies that you can drop
into at any time and still be glued to til the end, And no-one
does this kind of pure action movie better than John McTiernan.
Die Hard was one of the first and still holds
up as one of the best. A true Christmas classic.
"All
right, listen up guys! 'Twas the night before Christmas, and
all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except
for the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two
cover formation!"
Camus's
Christmas Film
The
power of the edit.
The
power of juxtaposition.
It's
a mighty film-maker's tool and for no other reason I'd like
to nominate The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
without a shred of irony.
Sure,
it's Christmassy in a Scroogey sort of manner. It's festive
in the sense of having been planned to rake in distribution
cash by the bucket in the kids-need-to-fuck-off-out-of-the-house
at Christmas time sort of way.
But
it has Michael Caine delivering an ultimatum to his cold,
complaining workforce.
The
next cut of a surfeit of muppets in hula skirts celebrating
their obviously imagined warmth will bring a smile to mind
every time I think about it.
So
there. Bah. Mint Imperials...
Slarek's
Christmas Film
Christmas,
n. A day set apart and consecrated to gluttony, drunkenness,
maudlin sentiment, gift-taking, public dullness and domestic
behaviour.
So
wrote the honourable Ambrose Bierce in his Devil's Dictionary
over 90 years ago and how little things have changed,
save for the increasingly gaudy Americanisation of houses
as they disappear under a welter of ghastly flashing lights
and beeping carols.
For
this and other reasons of Christmas weariness, I just have
to nominate Bob Clark's Black Christmas,
a film that pre-dated even Halloween in defining
the slasher genre, especially with its house full of terrified
sorority girls and the steadily increasing body count, but
did so with style and atmosphere. Every Christmas should have
a good ghost story, but in lieu of that, I'll happily settle
for a mad killer stalking the halls.
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